Women are more controlling than men

8 types of men who will mess you up in a relationship

Lundy Bancroft describes in his book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" types of men who engage in psychological and physical violence in a relationship.

on May 20th, 2019, 11.00 a.m.

Relationship violence can take many different forms. It can be physical, and therefore very obvious - or it can manifest itself psychologically for years in a quiet and less noticeable manner.

This verbal violence is often not that easy to spot, and many don't see it until they've been out of the relationship for a long time. The author and relationship coach Lundy Bancroft knows from years of consulting experience with "abusive relationships" (= psychological and / or physical violence in relationships), and has in his book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" described the types of men who practice them.

Those who read this list should ask themselves: Who am I living with - do I even recognize my partner in it? If so, then caution is advised.

Type 1: The Demand Man

This man is very traditional, almost old-fashioned - and he thinks it's your job to take care of him. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You have no right to ask him if he should do anything - even behind him you have to clean everything away. It even makes him angry when you ask him to do something. This manifests itself in verbal attacks of revenge, or even in physical violence. If he's unhappy it's your fault.

As his partner, you constantly feel like you're not doing anything right. Nothing you do is good enough and it is impossible to make him happy. You feel criticized all the time and he makes you feel like you could do anything better. But nothing comes back: the balance of give and take has gotten completely out of hand here. If he needs something, you have to leave everything behind - you have a concern, he has no time, makes fun of you or thinks you are too dramatic. Your needs are always secondary. And once he does something nice, he'll hold it against you forever.

Type 2: The "Mr. Right"

He knows everything and he refuses to listen to your opinion, makes fun of you and your "stupidity". When he talks about you or to you, he offends you, makes you small, and treats you like a little girl.

And worse, he also knows better about everything in your life and how you should live it to please him. If you defy his opinions, then you treat him wrong - as absurd as it sounds. Because he is the ultimate authority, the world is his school class. If you don't follow it, you can expect sentences like "You will still see it".

Type 3: "The Water Torturer"

He will attack you in a clever way without raising his voice or showing anger. He uses subtle, consistent sarcasm and cruel comments to bring you down. He'll turn your words around in your mouth, even in public, to make you look bad. He never yells, but attacks you emotionally during an argument - and that ends up screaming or crying while he smiles at you and you say you are irrational or mentally unstable. No matter how mean he is, there is nothing you can do. His family and friends will be on his side because they don't understand you. He leaves everyone, including you, to believe that he is right because his tactics are slowly becoming established. Because he knows exactly what words to use to meet you.

Type 4: The "Drill Sergeant"

This man is extremely controlling, he has the password for all your platforms and reads your text messages, he criticizes your dress style, or visits you at work to see what you are doing. He is very jealous and quickly escalates from verbal to physical violence. Because he's in complete control of you, it's hard to escape. He believes that you don't need anyone but him in your life and does not allow you any form of independence.

More on the topic: This text message conversation shows how terrible having a violent partner is.

Type 5: "Mr. Sensitive"

At first glance, this type of man is the white knight, warm, sensitive, and supportive. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to do anything that could hurt his feelings - then he will be completely different. He will then want you to apologize hundreds of times and soon you will feel like you are doing everything wrong all the time and making him feel bad.

However, does he say something that yours Hurt feelings, it's not a big deal to him. You're supposed to get over it. He then blames you for everything that goes wrong in his life. If no other people are around, he can also get mean and intimidating. He enjoys manipulating you and insists that he is "not like other men". He often uses a lot of "psychological chatter" to prove it.

Type 6: "The Player"

He's very handsome and probably a bad boy. He's the type of man women read about in novels and passionately fall in love with. In the beginning, he makes you feel like the greatest woman in the world. But when the time goes by, you notice that he is flirting with others, even in your presence. He no longer treats you with respect. He makes sexual innuendos to other women, including your friends, or wants to go out with them.

Because he plays the women against each other, they will compete with each other after time instead of focusing on him. He does not see that his behavior is disrespectful and that he thus exercises psychological violence - and he may also manage that you do not see it.

Type 7: The "Rambo"

He is aggressive towards most people. He likes to intimidate people and create fear. He has no patience for weaknesses. He does not believe in compassion and can use violence both physically and verbally.

However, at the beginning of the relationship, it seems like he is caring and protective. But that doesn't last because in reality he has no respect for women. He has very stereotypical ideas about men and women and their roles in society.

Type 8: "The victim"

This man is very self-centered and believes that everyone should feel sorry for him for going through so much. Every relationship he has been in is, in his eyes, one in which he has been badly treated and exploited. He's also treated unfairly at work, by friends and also by you.

That's why he feels like he has to get you back so you know how it feels. He was injured so badly in his head that he can get away with anything - even violence.

24-hour women's emergency number: 01 71 71 9

The 24-hour women's emergency number is the contact point for all women and girls aged 14 and over who have been affected by sexual, physical and / or psychological violence or have experienced violence in the past.

This text was first published on 07/27/2017 on wienerin.at.