What are mistakes people make when flirting

How flirting works - and what fatal mistakes most singles make


What should you be flirting for anyway?

Isn't flirting just exhausting and superfluous when you can get to know a partner so much better and more specifically via the Internet?

No, not at all - on the contrary!

Flirting is the absolute best, especially when you want a partner - no matter where you think you will mainly find him. Because even if you have such great photos at Tinder & Co, at some point you have to talk to the other person. Even if your business card contains great titles, at some point your counterpart will want to be “enchanted” by you.

In other words: At some point you “have to” flirt!


What is flirting anyway?

DWDS (the word information system for the German language in the past and present)

Flirt - meanings:
  1. ⟨Jmd. flirts (with sb.)⟩ by glances, gestures, words or in a casual, joking conversation to show sb. non-binding his affection or his erotic interest

In other words: Flirting means getting in contact with another person and showing him or her: "I think you are good" - with the intention of making that other person feel good and thereby perhaps getting closer to one another.

However, you should avoid making this one big mistake:

Most people make the mistake of only wanting to flirt when they want to attract someone in particular. They don't think about flirting until they see someone they find attractive. This person should then behave as you would like. Flirting should be the means to an end to win someone over and to influence their behavior in such a way that this person fulfills the needs.

At this moment, many people notice that they lack the courage or that they do not know how to do it ... and get angry. And then nothing happens ... Except that those who wanted to flirt and couldn't, feel bad.

It also has something to do with our culture:

We normally don't want to "offend" anyone. We mostly want to know where we are and not “play”. And we are extremely “benefit-oriented” in general!

It always has to "bring something" - and if possible the risk should also be calculable.

But the flirtation is of its kindnot binding and playful (and also risky) and at first glance it is of no use at all! If he had one - a fixed goal, a clear intention - then he would no longer be a flirt ...


What is flirting really?

If you flirt with someone just for the sake of flirting, it works Not about getting (or pushing) this person to do something. It's about, to meet each other and be surprised.

Flirting is about making contact in a playful way with someone you find attractive - or pretending to be.

It's a game. A game for adults, because you are allowed to weigh your own sexuality.

It's a game where there are two winners at best - the prize is a good feeling. A very good feeling.

Sometimes this encounter becomes more - sometimes it doesn't. It's not about getting more out of it. It's about the good feeling, the game, the encounter.

Learning to flirt - is that even possible?


So why flirt then?

Many people talk about having to overcome their fear or their "blockages" - but they apparently only want to overcome them when something is at stake because they really like someone.

Then they throw all their desires and needs on that person - and it is no wonder that they are then afraid of being rejected. It is very unlikely that a total stranger would be willing to do all of this ... unconsciously we know this and the result is: fear, inhibitions, shyness.

However, once you understand how flirting works, you will find that you are less and less “afraid” of approaching others.

We fear when we are insecure - and we are insecure when we are out of practice. The more practice you have, the more confident you are.

In addition, every encounter can enrich you:

On the one hand, you can better assess and develop your effect on others more and more if you just flirt like that. On the other hand, every positive encounter with other people, no matter how small - every unspectacular positive feedback - is a reinforcement of your self-esteem and a contribution to your self-confidence.

The more you use small encounters for this, the more relaxed you will be:

Little by little you no longer reach for every little straw that could bring you confirmation and attention - not even when online dating. You become more attentive to opportunities ... and more relaxed!

After just a few days of "real flirting" you are less needy, in a better mood and therefore automatically more attractive.

It's no longer about manipulating that one particular person into behaving exactly as you hope you will. And that's why you don't have to worry anymore that he / she won't do just that.

The more you are in this playful contact with others, the more relaxed and also the more sociable you will be, because at some point your brain is automatically in "contact mode" and no longer in "contact avoidance mode".


How flirting works

Flirting doesn't always mean addressing someone with words - it can also mean looking appealing to someone and then it goes all by itself:

Imagine you just had a nice little flirt encounter. Maybe it was just eye contact and a smile. Maybe it was with someone who didn't fit into your “loot scheme” or who is already taken. But it was encouraging and positive and you have a friendly, satisfied - maybe even cheerful - expression on your face.

This extremely attractive person, who is about to meet you, who is exactly your type, sees that too - loooong long before you've seen her / him.

Your chances of successfully flirting with this person increase dramatically because:

  1. You are already in a sociable, relaxed, flirtatious mood instead of defensiveness or stressful thoughts
  2. You have an attractive, positive aura right now that he will notice
  3. Your self-confidence was strengthened by the positive feedback from the previous flirtations
  4. You have practice in making contact and you know how effective it is
  5. You now know better how to assess situations and how to end them, which makes you safer and more relaxed

You will miss all of this if you take flirting too seriously.

If you believe the misunderstanding that flirting would only be a good idea if you really "want something", you are ruining the flirt!

Flirting is about attraction - wanting something creates pressure ...

If you flirt to make others feel good, you will be attractive - even to the people you find sexy. Instead of being afraid of rejection, he focuses on the fun, contact and adventure that lies in every encounter.

You will find out how flirting works if you only focus on making other people feel good for a few weeks - and during that time you don't think about it (or are afraid of it) how it could go on afterwards.

Do this little experiment and make it clear to yourself that for the next three weeks you don't really want to “get to know” anyone, tow them, dredge them or do anything else. Instead, you set yourself the "daily task" of giving as many people as possible a good feeling (e.g. with a smile, a compliment, an encouragement, a joke ...) and nothing else.

You will be surprised how flirting works!


Flirting - a recipe for success

So far, more than 5,000 singles have come to my courses to realize this. Most of them still benefit today from a freer, happier life in playful contact with others. Because even those who have already found their dream partner (or perhaps don't want to be in a partnership at all) will experience flirting as a life-affirming, positive reinforcement of their personality.

How flirting works: Flirting makes us braver, self-confident and attractive people if we like to be playful and charming with other people. I can't think of anything more beautiful.

You can find information and dates for the flirt training here>

Check and book appointments here
Find out how flirting works and test my methods in the free 14-day flirt challenge:


Also worth reading - my book tip with DVD:

"Flirt & Fall in Love"