Who broke up with whom
NO GOs AFTER A SEPARATION Blacklist for broken hearts
It doesn't matter if he was a bastard, scoundrel, pig or idiot. End is over! You have to be able to deal with that. And as far as possible in such a way that you cannot accuse yourself of wrongdoing. Even if you broke up yourself. And even more so if you still hope for another chance.
Scratched car doors, nasty gossip or hasty text messages while intoxicated: Everyone knows the no-gos after a breakup. In the best of cases, just listening. But let's be honest: Who hasn't toyed with the thought of bittersweet revenge? Or in weak moments of remorseful attempts at recapture? Such thoughts are normal. But they also belong to the No gos after a breakup.
Why? Because you always see each other twice in life. So ladies, stick to the words of Rosa Luxemburg, which are: "The character of a person does not show itself at the beginning, but at the end of a love." Remain fair and trust that life will somehow be fair in the end. A guide to exemplary separation behavior.
1. Stay friends
It doesn't matter who broke up. The wish, the offer, the deceptive back door of friendship with the ex, is one of the most popular faux pas after the love-out. Because hand on heart: Neither the abandoned person wants to watch in companionship how his ex enjoys the outlawless single life, nor does the break-up maker in most cases want to offer the abandoned person the strong shoulder of friendship to comfort his lovesickness together. It does not work. At least not yet. What is a couple of years ago, you can still see then. Too hasty friendship offers are therefore an unequivocal one No go after a breakup.
2. Don't say hello
Of course, after a breakup, it is not easy to find the right balance in mutual interaction. Therefore, to forego it entirely sounds like a good idea at first, but the bottom line is that it is also one of the most clumsy no-gos after a breakup. Not to say hello or to pretend that the other person doesn't exist is a no-go for several reasons. For one thing, everyone who is in the same room knows that your ex is not invisible, no matter how convincingly you can see through him. Second, your good nursery requires that he be greeted at least with a short nod of the head. Thirdly, it is a sign of strength when you utter a friendly - but please not exaggerated - "hello". Short, to the point, confident. That may be difficult, but it is enough to look good in front of the ex, in front of others, but above all in front of yourself.
3. Call or write while drunk
After a sip of too much wine, fingers are relaxed, thoughts reckless and the cell phone battery is often too full to save us from doing stupid things. Text messages and calls while drunk are some of the most embarrassing, but unfortunately also the most common No gos after a breakup. It goes without saying that Facebook and WhatsApp messages, emails and any other form of electronic communication are taboo - but will be mentioned again at this point. Better safe than sorry. Not that they say we didn't warn you. Because everything - really everything - that you utter when you are intoxicated is more painful for everyone involved than the hangover the next morning. What helps? Theoretically not to drink alcohol, practically relying on the best. But because control is still better than trust, it is best to leave your cell phone at home if you are lovesick.
4. Sex with the ex
Regardless of whether you were dumped by your ex as ice cold or you were the one who decided to jump into being single, every now and then you just miss your ex. Cupid is just a dog. And that's exactly why it leads you to do pretty illogical things. Sex with the ex is one of the most illogical of them and is therefore also one of the absolute No gos after a breakup. Because believe us: Neither you are so sure about things that sex with your ex will pass you by without a trace, nor he. And if it does: then it will be a pure flop. And you'd rather have saved yourself the whole thing. Do not you believe? Are you going to try it out? Or maybe not! In this case, trust is better than control. Just believe us!
Modern technology certainly makes a lot of things easier for us, but separation does not. Social networks invite you to sniff and mobile data carriers even make it possible to track the exact position of the former husband of the gods with precise coordinates. Even if you want to know when you last looked at your cell phone, modern apps make this possible in no time at all. If you happen to have one or the other password of your ex-girlfriend, you will do the espionage job perfectly, but you will give yourself a digital punch in the stomach - which, by the way, will also be clearly felt in analogue. Let's be honest: do you really want to know what your ex is up to? And with whom? Apart from that, spying is extremely rude and therefore a classic no-go.
6. Say "I love you"
Breaking up is not a decision, but a process. Whether you are the one who was abandoned or if you left yourself, a breakup takes time. Emotional roller coaster rides are part of this. So don't be surprised at the occasional sadness, remorse, and strong doubts about the decision. However, be careful not to announce the same unless your ex is also seeking the conversation. You can of course offer him an interview, but please do not force it. One of the most important No gos after a breakup however, applies to those who made the love out themselves: Never say that you still love your ex. Even if this is still the case in some way or the doubts are acute. Do not act rashly or overly emotional and do not raise false hopes in your ex.
7. Involve friends
A love requires two, a separation requires a whole circle of friends. Friends are the most important consolation givers after a breakup. Don't be afraid to use their help, but also respect your friends' boundaries. It is unfair for everyone involved if you drag friends into the breakup with your ex. For example, don't ask your former friends to choose between you and your ex. Your friends should be able to decide for themselves who they want to maintain contact with. Gossip about your ex could also put your friends in uncomfortable situations. It is best to speak openly about the topic and how you want to deal with it together.
Text: Linda Freutel
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