That makes me gay

"The best wind players are gay"

It was only in 1990 that the World Health Organization (WHO) ceased to list homosexuality as a disease. But there are still prejudices and knowledge gaps in society. We talked to Stefan about being gay. He is in his early 30s and answers a few questions that are otherwise taboo.

Have you ever had something with a woman?
I had a girlfriend quite early on, with whom anyone of my age would have said: “Oh how cool, big tits!” But I wasn't interested at all. Actually there was zero attraction. That was a key experience for me. I was around 13. I found it much more exciting with guys in the locker room. I didn't care too much about the girls in the pool either, but I was kind of embarrassed in front of the boys. I thought that was funny. Then I started to deal with it a little more. Through the Internet, around the beginning of 2000, and through pornography, I realized that I really don't like women.

How was your coming out?
I came out for the first time when I was 16 with friends. For myself I had already accepted that I was gay, but on the outside I was very defensive. At one point I insulted a friend's gay brother, which led to an argument. I had to make it clear that I didn't mean anything bad and I told the friend everything. Through the experience with her brother, she understood my situation and why I wanted to appear normal on the outside. For several years, only she and a few friends knew. When I was around 20, I made a cut in my life. I left my hometown and moved to another city to start an apprenticeship. Then everyone knew from the start. I led a completely normal gay life and looked for appropriate clubs and environments. I was only the straight son again when my mother visited me.

Was it difficult for you to tell your mom that you were gay?
Yes, in any case. Finding my gay self and completely outing it took about ten years. My mother noticed when I was 23. For two years it was an absolutely taboo subject. At some point she met my best friend and his partner and realized that homosexuals are actually quite normal. She had this stereotype from the media that gays are always very funny. By getting to know them, her image changed and she also accepted my gay life.

What do you think of gays who are very "nutty" in clothing and behavior?
There are gays who are very feminine. They often develop a tendency towards travesty, so dress like women. Personally, I don't find that appealing or attractive, but neither is it bad. But there are gays who act very exaggerated in public life and at parties in order to be the center of attention. I really do not like this. With such a "hello" as a greeting. If someone is just pretending to get attention, I find it discriminatory against those who are really like that.

"Most of the time my gay radar works fine, sometimes I'm wrong, of course."

How do you flirt
There are straight men who take it easy and feel confirmed when you flirt with them. But then there are those who say, “What do you want from me? Do you want to poke your face? ”That's why I met all of my friends online or in gay bars and at gay parties. I was sure that I was really only flirting with gays. At a straight party, maybe only one out of a hundred men is gay. I met my current boyfriend through Grindr, the Tinder for gays. You can write directly to men who are in the vicinity.

Is there a gay radar?
Yes, it already exists. They are small features. For example, you are walking through the city and a guy comes towards you. You walk past each other, keep eye contact for a moment and you may turn around later. If the other person keeps eye contact for longer and then turns around again, that's a sign. But there are also clothing features. Gays are generally better dressed. Straight men have become more and more well-groomed and stylish in recent years. Most of the time my gay radar works fine, sometimes I'm wrong, of course.

Do you think there are more gays today than there used to be?
No, there have always been gays. In the past, however, they had a bogus girlfriend or wife, had children and secretly let off steam in some corners at night. The fact that being gay is more accepted today has made the gay world much more colorful and diverse. It's easier today to say, “Hey, I'm gay.” There are gays among car mechanics and in other jobs that are associated with masculinity. Years ago this openness would not have been possible in certain professional groups.

Are there still areas where being gay is frowned upon?
Bankers bring their wives with them on official occasions, which is quite sexist. Gays still tend to be accompanied by a pseudo friend. Maybe it will just take a few more years before sexuality is irrelevant in all professional groups. It's more difficult when it comes to religion. For example, how do you explain to a devout family that you are gay? Those affected probably wish to be straight in order to have it easier. Of course, people then make up excuses, move away from the family or have a two-bedroom apartment with their partner and it is a shared flat for the family.

"If you have a big cock, you can generally allow yourself to be a little uglier."

Why are there so many gay singles?
Because they don't go outside and seek personal contact. Gays are generally intolerant. There are always more men online than actually going to a party. If you are not attractive or do not trigger that aha-effect, then you will not be noticed in the first place anyway. Nude pictures are often exchanged online. Then it says: the bigger and thicker, the better. In general, if you have a big cock, you can allow yourself to be a little uglier.

So do you think gays are intolerant?
Gays are the most intolerant of one another in the world. Funnily enough, 99 percent of gays will tell you that. The gays themselves want to be accepted in society. But internally, in the individual groups, everything must always be neatly separated. The hipsters are among themselves, the bears who are particularly into body hair are among themselves and those who are into sadomasochism are among themselves. And you blaspheme one another.

Is Every Gay Into Anal Sex?
I would say almost all of them. There are three groups: the active, the passive, and those who are both. Who belongs to which group often only shows up during sex. A friend told me that he once met a great guy, but when they were in bed they noticed that both of them are only passive. We call this cans. Sex in that sense never happened. Because can on can rattles. It takes a can and a sword. Oral sex has almost the same status as anal sex. If you try to persuade a straight guy to try it out with a man, the saying goes: "The best brass players in the world are gay."