Why is my wife jealous
Morbid jealousy - 8 signs and how to beat them
Jealousy in relationship? Almost everyone knows that. Up to a certain point it can also be positive and weld you and your partner even closer together.
However, if this turns out to be a pathological jealousy is this a heavy burden on the partnership not infrequently leads to a breakup.
How much jealousy is still normal in a relationship? On which Signs can you recognize pathological jealousy? And how do you deal with it, if your partner or even You yourself affected by it are?
6 typical causes of jealousy
Everyone knows jealousy. Almost half of all Germans has already made a real scene for his partner because of it. For 44% of men and 32% of women, jealousy in previous relationships was even a reason for separation.
But why are we actually jealous? Often lie the reasons for that in ours childhood or in previous relationships.
1. Low self-esteem
Too low a self-esteem is the number one cause of jealousy. If we don't think very highly of ourselves, then it only seems logical that sooner or later our partner will find something better. Fear of loss and jealousy are the result.
2. Constant criticism and Convictions
“You can't do that anyway!” “Let me know, you always break everything.” You know sentences like these all too well?
Regardless of whether as a child or as an adult: constant criticism and condemnation can cause us strong feelings of inferiority develop. you are a perfect breeding ground for jealousy.
3. Lack of warmth and affection
A loving hug, cuddling with mom and dad and being comforted by them. We miss that kind of Warmth and affection in childhood, that often leads to us choosing unlovable and inferior hold. Since we don't value ourselves very much, even as adults we quickly fear being exchanged for someone supposedly better.
We doubt ourselves and cannot believe that one can really be loyal to “someone like us”.
4. Painful loss experiences
Painful loss experiences can also have a lasting impact. The experience of having lost someone we love dissolves in us great fear of losing someone again. Every relationship feels insecure and mutual trust is usually difficult. People with loss experience tend to be clingy in relationships. you are often possessive and easily jealous.
5. Helicopter parents
Even overprotective parents, the so-called helicopter parents, can the cause of jealous behavior be. If everything was taken from us in childhood, this often leads to a lack of independence in adulthood.
Those who cannot take care of themselves are always dependent on others. In a relationship, that's why we like to cling to our partner and are quickly jealous. We are afraid of losing him and then standing helplessly alone.
6. Bad treatment in previous relationships
Do we have bad experiences in previous relationships have to do, maybe cheated or all of a sudden left for no good reason this can also be a cause of jealousy.
Shaped by the negative experiences from the past, we live in constant fear of being abandoned again. This fear then manifests itself in excessive control and jealousy towards our new partner.
How much jealousy is still normal?
Jealousy happens now and then in almost every relationship. Up to a certain point, it can also be positive and weld you and your partner even closer together. 80% of Germans state that they are sometimes jealous themselves.
But how much is normal now and when does jealousy begin to become pathological?
First things first: Unfortunately, there is no exact limit here. The transition from normal to pathological is usually fluidwithout the affected person even noticing it.
Of pathological jealousy one always speaks when the relationship begins to suffer from the jealous and often selfish behavior of the partner. It prevails a basic distrust, the partner is under general suspicion and everything he does is controlled.
Men are affected twice as often as women. There is extreme jealousy no disease in its own right. Rather, it is a symptom that occurs in various mental illnesses.
Normal jealousy can make sense and be positive. It serves as an inner alarm signal for us humans, which reports itself as soon as there is a reason for a threat to the relationship.
It only occurs in situations where we feel threatened.
Pathological jealousy, on the other hand, is a permanent condition which determines the complete actions of a person.
And especially important: Overly jealous do not need solid evidence. True to the motto: "Where there is a will, there is also a way." The person concerned always finds something that is rotten.
8 signs of abnormal jealousy
Excessive jealousy can lead to too a true relationship killer become. It is not without reason that she is one of the top 10 reasons for separation.
On these 8 signs you can recognize pathological jealousy:
- Accusations: Every day you are confronted with new baseless allegations. Yesterday you had a secret affair with your colleague, today it is the pretty waitress in the restaurant with whom you apparently flirted wildly.
- Constant distrust:Your thoughts are almost always with your partner. What is he doing right now? Is he seeing someone else? Is he cheating on me?
- You feel constricted: You no longer feel free in your decisions but more like a prisoner in a relationship prison.
- Permanent control: Whether reading emails or WhatsApp messages, listening to phone calls or looking through your clothes, you are constantly monitored.
- You are not allowed to meet with friends: If your partner is pathologically jealous, he will try to keep you away from your friends. So he wants to reduce the risk of a possible affair.
- Desire for constant proof of love: “Do you still love me?” You are asked this question every day, almost like a robot. And woe betide you do not answer with a perfect confession of love.
- Overreaction: He or she gets irritated very quickly. A huge fuss is made at the slightest sign of a breach of loyalty. Afterwards, the person is often even sorry.
- No trust anymore: You are spied on and your friends questioned, there is hardly any trust in your relationship.
Jealous Partner - This is the best way to deal with it
Is your partner pathologically jealous? Then it is important that you make yourself clear in the first step: "It is not your fault!" Even if your partner likes to accuse you of that do not take responsibility for his actions.
Even so, there are a few things you can do to help:
1. Show affection openly
If we are constantly monitored, we intuitively prefer to keep our distance first. But with a severely jealous partner, such a reaction is counterproductive.
Don't let yourself be controlled though show your affection openly and honestly and so relieve your partner of some fear of rejection.
2. Don't hide anything
Having to justify yourself for everything is annoying! So it's only logical that you start some at some point Better not to tell things in the first place. Extremely jealous people will quickly notice that something has been hidden from them and thus only feel reinforced in their allegations. So it is better not to try to hide anything from your partner in the first place.
3. Strengthen self-confidence
As you now know, the cause of jealousy is often low self-esteem. So help your partner as best you can to strengthen it again.Give him closeness and give him appreciation. A healthy self-esteem is the first important step on the way out of jealousy.
4. Try to be positive
Anyone who has a relationship with someone who is extremely jealous must have very good nerves. Of course, that's easier said than done. But sometimes it can help the whole thing to look at from a different perspective. Because, even if he hasn't chosen the best way to do it: Basically, your partner's jealousy is only a sign of how important and irreplaceable you are to him.
Overcoming pathological jealousy - this is how it works
The good news first: morbid jealousy is curable. Nobody has to put up with it.
The bad news: It will cost you a lot of effort and work.
The causes of strong jealousy often lie deep within us. Eliminate them will Very likely it will take a lot of effort and patience.
Talk to your partner
If you find that you are prone to extreme jealousy then this is In the first step, it is particularly important to talk to your partner about it. Find the conversation and explain to your partner that you are suffering just as much from the situation as he is and that you want to actively do something about it.
Boost your self-esteem
Low self-esteem is the number one cause of jealousy. So to defeat them you have to urgently change something about their negative self-image. The more at peace you are with yourself, the less dependent you are on your partner's affection and approval.
Ask friends or your partner for support or seek professional help from a coach or a suitable psychotherapist. You decide what is best for you. And the most important thing is: you are not alone with it.
Find the reasons for your jealousy
This step is arguably the most uncomfortable on your way out of extreme jealousy, but it is also one of the most important. Only if you nip the causes in the bud can you defeat the pathological jealousy.
While some reasons are more obvious and can be resolved with a few long conversations, others require you to dig deeper. Many people suppress their fears and feelings. It is only when they take a closer look that they become aware of the burden they have lived with over the past few years.
Make yourself independent
Morbidly jealous people tend to focus so much on their partner that they completely forget themselves and their own life. Build up your own circle of friends or look for a hobby that you enjoy. So do yourself regardless of your partnerand prevent fear of loss.
People who suffer from severe jealousy often go with one pessimistic attitude through life. As long as the opposite is not proven, the worst is always assumed first. Do you know this attitude of yourself? Then try very specifically at moments when you start to doubt your partner's loyalty again, Recall the positive aspects of your relationship. Didn't he just tell you yesterday how much he loves you? So why should it suddenly be any different today?
Conclusion: Pathological jealousy is curable
How much jealousy is still good for the relationship and where the limits have been reached, that each couple must ultimately decide for themselves.
The only important thing is: If you feel pressured in the relationship and suffer from the jealousy of your partner, then do not withdraw, but address the problems openly and honestly.
If the relationship is important to both partners, then you will most certainly find a solution together. Because as you now know: pathological jealousy is curable.
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