How much do you trust your partner
5 simple tips to build more trust in a relationship
It was spring last year.
Oli was on a business trip when it happened ...
His girlfriend at the time was out with her girls and met an Australian at the club. One thing led to another and the two ended up in the box.
Oli couldn't forgive her and broke up. The thought that there was another guy inside her just ate him up.
Almost 2 years have passed since then and now Oli has a new girlfriend. So far, she has given him absolutely no reasons to be suspicious.
Nevertheless, Oli sometimes gets this strange, disgusting feeling in his stomach. When she's out to clubs with her girls, he just can't relax.
Then he either has to go out and into the same club as his girlfriend is in, or he gets drunk in a bar with his buddies.
One day Oli tells me all this with watery eyes.
What did I advise him?
You will find out in this article.
- Why a relationship without trust is hell on earth
- How your self-confidence is related to trust and how you can strengthen both
- The self-fulfilling prophecy that can either save or destroy your relationship
- How to strengthen your ability to trust
- And much more…
Why trust in our partner is so important
Trust is the foundation for any relationship in which REAL love is to arise. Call me old-fashioned, spiritual, small-minded or whatever, but I firmly believe that a relationship without trust cannot work in the long run.
And that's good.
What is a relationship without trust anyway?
You have to be able to trust your partner that she likes you, respects you and speaks of you in high tones behind closed doors. You also need to be able to believe that she is willing and able to be with you voluntarily and does not want to intentionally hurt or disappoint you.
If you don't trust your partner, it's only a matter of time before you become pathologically jealous and suspicious.
This leads to the fact that you can no longer relax at all if your girlfriend is in a situation where she is you theoretically could cheat.
So almost every time she goes out of the house.
And that's not exactly bueno if you ask me ...
Why breaches of trust wear us down so much
Suppose you were hurt in a similar way to Oli at one point or another. Then it is understandable that it is difficult for you to open up again.
It doesn't even have to be a major incident like Olis Ex's fling to create a breach of trust. If promises have not been kept, you have been treated unfairly, lied to or disappointed, that is often completely sufficient.
The more serious the lie / disappointment, the worse it is of course for your mutual trust.
You opened your heart and took the risk of being disappointed - whether willfully or not.
Accordingly, after a big disappointment, your soul is screwed up and needs time to heal.
I will explain to you later what you can do to speed up the healing process.
First of all it is important to know:
If you feel a certain distance with your girlfriend, then it may come from an injury that you haven't dealt with yet.
Before you do that, you will never experience the closeness and intimacy that most people want in a relationship.
What Confidence To Do With Confidence
A breach of trust can severely damage your self-confidence. Especially when you don't know your strengths and weaknesses or cannot deal with them, such an incident raises many questions in you.
- "Did she cheat on me because I'm not good enough for her?"
- “Did I do something wrong without realizing it? Am I that stupid? "
- "Am I not manly enough for a woman like that?"
- "Was the sex too bad?"
Someone who has already developed a high level of self-confidence will ask themselves these questions less.
The more you open up to someone and manage to build a successful relationship, the better you get to know yourself. This is due to the reaction that you trigger in the other person. In psychology one speaks here of "mirroring".
Not that kind of reflection ...
The better your partner reacts to your strengths and weaknesses, the easier it will be for you to accept them yourself.
But the whole thing also works the other way around:
The more you accept yourself, the better your partner will respond to you.
What can save or destroy your relationship
Without the ability to trust, you are constantly suspicious and jealous.
No pleasant emotions ... neither for you nor for her.
Paranoid thoughts keep popping up in you:
"Where is she right now?"
"What is she doing?"
"Who is she traveling with?"
The idea of her meeting up with another guy alone may even become so unbearable that you feel the urge to check her messages on her smartphone.
This is because you consciously or unconsciously expect to be disappointed again.
The hard truth is:
The less you trust her, the more likely she will abuse your trust.
Because she's annoyed with your paranoid behavior. If you are "lucky", she has the strength to end the relationship first. If you are unlucky, your lack of self-esteem will make her lose interest and respect for you and start something with someone else.
Fortunately, the whole thing also works the other way around here:
The more you trust your girlfriend, the more respect she will have for you.
However, the prerequisite is that you trust the RIGHT way:
Do not trust because you are NAIV. Trust because you are brave.
It's not the same!
Your girlfriend will feel the difference, and someone who trusts out of courage is very reluctant to disappoint.
5 practical tips to increase your trust in her
Tip # 1: Make the decision
First you need to make the decision to build a strong trust ability. Yes, it is a skill and, just like an instrument, you can learn it.
Make yourself aware that your current girlfriend is an individually different person. Just because your trust was betrayed in a previous relationship doesn't mean it has to happen again in your new relationship.
If you can trust your partner, not only does she have 1,000 times more respect for you ...
You will also have a lot more energy left for her and the beautiful and important things in life.
In order to put you under additional healthy pressure to go through with your decision decisively, you can initiate one or more close friends about your project.
Tip # 2: research
In order to bring your trustworthiness (again) to the top level, you should at least know roughly where this problem comes from.
Did you adopt this behavior from your parents? Have you been abandoned as a child?
Without this knowledge, you may have had a lifetime of trauma that re-emerges every time you enter into a relationship.
Rent a backhoe and start digging into your past. Write down everything that could have caused the breach of trust, how it came about, and what emotionally it did to you.
That is the basis for the next step.
Tip # 3: open up
For example, if you cheated on your girlfriend at the time, it may have happened because she couldn't live out part of her personality with you.
One reason for this may be that the communication in your relationship was not working properly.
To prevent this from happening again, you should be completely open with your friend about your and her needs.
It is very possible that she would like to help you rebuild trust ... Trust her with what you wrote down about your past and speak openly about it.
Perhaps your partner is even ready to set goals together with you in order to develop a strong ability to trust.
For example, a goal could be:
"When my girlfriend is in the club with her girls, I can easily spend an evening at home without having to spy on her."
Tip # 4: be patient
The stronger the disappointment that affected your ability to trust, the longer it usually takes to regain it.
Realize that this won't happen overnight.
The ability to build trust can be a long process.
Take the time it takes and work on it step by step at your own pace.
If your friend is frustrated because she can't see the progress, make it clear to her that you need her patience and confidence.
As long as you don't lose faith in your progress and patiently keep on doing it, you are on the right track.
Tip # 5: There is never a guarantee
Even if you manage to bring your trustworthiness to a normal level, always remember: There will never be a guarantee that your trust will not be abused again.
It is healthy not to be naive in order not to become completely naive about the feelings about a person.
Then, if that person actually hurts you, a world would collapse over you. This “residual distrust” should be your healthy skepticism perceive.
It helps you to keep your distance so as not to get too lost in your devotion to the other person.
As a man, you need this distance again and again in order not to neglect your own life, your mission, your friends and other passions.
With that in mind, I hope that you will soon be able to trust your girlfriend without any problems and that it will make your relationship better than ever.
Do you want 23 copy-paste sentences to never have boring conversations again?
23 phrases and 3 techniques that will make you so irresistible that she will go crazy for you?Yes, give me these example sentences!
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