Everyone is an asshole
Building Charisma & Confidence: What We Can Learn From Assholes
There are always situations in life in which we meet people who try to make us small. In their presence we suddenly feel insecure and quite overwhelmed. They are poison for our self-confidence. But that's exactly why we should work to ensure that precisely these people can no longer harm us.
Tatjana Strobel, an expert in body language, has long dealt with the subject of 'external impact and self-portrayal'. She explains: "Intimidators, know-it-alls and oppressors usually sense very precisely who they can manipulate and belittle. If someone is unsure, they take advantage of it mercilessly."
The good news, however, is that a lot can be changed about it. We can do a 180 degree turn, provided we want to and take the first steps.
Build confidence & learn from enemies
Building up the tactics for self-confidence, says the expert: "We have to look at the tricks and techniques of manipulation and learn from them. On the one hand, to protect ourselves better, but also to see what distinguishes the 'assholes'. Feel like that we are no longer so insecure in their presence and can appear more self-confident. "
Would you also like to build up more self-confidence and appear self-confident? Well, here are the best expert tips:
Tips 1: who am I?
Let's take the first steps! Unfortunately, these are not easy, because the brain is a creature of habit. If you have been trained to react in the same way for 20 years, then your brain refuses to do it differently. And not only that: Your own environment will also defend itself against a change, because they would like to continue to have you as they know you. These obstacles need to be overcome. By finding your inner strength.
Point 1: In order to build up self-confidence, you should deal intensively with yourself and consider: What is special about me? Who am I, what defines me?
The expert advises: "Everyone has something special, a unique mixture that we have to dig up like treasure in order to make something out of it. In other words: I have to get the best out of myself. If I can do that, my public image will automatically improve."
Tip 2: Demand the image of others
Point 2: You should ask for a foreign image from your environment, family, friends and colleagues: How do others rate me? What makes me valuable to you? It is also important to stop constantly thinking about your own weaknesses. This is exactly what confident people don't do! Each of us could easily list 20 weaknesses, but hardly any of us could list 20 strengths. To change!
The expert advises: "It's not about becoming a boast, it's about getting some inner peace. Why do we always compare ourselves to others? Everyone is individual and unique. The best way to make yourself unhappy is to constantly compare yourself . You have to find yourself and work out the things that are right for you. Once I have found my inner strength, nobody can do anything for me. "
5 tricks you can use to boost your self-confidence
Tip 3: why me of all people?
Point 3: Anyone who repeatedly has to do with people who do not listen to them, interrupt them, criticize them or silence them, should realize that this often has to do with themselves and their own behavior.
The expert advises: "My environment is always the mirror of myself. If I have assholes around me all the time, I have to recognize: It has to do with my self-esteem and my demeanor. I have to be clear: an asshole can only become an asshole if I allow it. So I have to learn to assert myself. This is the only way I can change something. "
Make yourself big: With this simple trick you can strengthen your self-confidence every morning!
Tip 4: show boundaries
Learn to assert yourself. Sounds good. But how does it work? Often those affected are stuck in a vicious circle, are insecure and convinced: 'Nobody listens to me anyway.'
Point 4: Even if it is difficult: You have to take all courage and make it clear to the people around you: 'The times when you could interrupt me are over.' You have to force others to listen!
The expert advises: "If I am interrupted, I have to say loudly and clearly: 'Sorry, but this is my speaking time.' I have to be extremely clear in my announcements. You also have to question things, e.g. criticism: 'Why do you say that? How do you justify this?' I worked in a large corporation where people kept sawing my chair leg. Today I know: It was the greatest compliment anyone could give me. Anyone who fights me recognizes me as a danger. If I change my behavior and make clear announcements, the environment notices: 'She doesn't put up with anything.' And then at some point it stops. "
Tips 5: Belief in yourself
Point 5: Those who have found their strengths can go a step further: by copying one or the other quality from those who try to downplay them. For example, assertiveness and self-belief. Assholes don't question themselves, they don't have constant doubts!
The expert advises: "When I have an idea and tell it to others, I sometimes encounter rejection. The classic behavior: I withdraw and think meekly: 'The idea was probably not that good after all'. That's a big mistake! If you look at people like JK Rowling or Steve Jobs, you can see that you often have to try things a hundred times before you can be successful. If I get discouraged right away, I break my own idea. I should have my unwavering belief in myself and my ideas from successful assholes. "
Mission: more self-confidence! Why you are who you are and how to become more secure
Tips 6: I am important!
Point 6: Very important on the way to more self-confidence and charisma: take care of yourself! That doesn't mean you should become a narcissist, but you have to know that you are the most important person in your life.
The expert advises: "You have to keep saying to yourself: I am my most important person. Nobody else. Not my parents, not my partner, not my children, but me. For one simple reason: If I am fine and my batteries are full, then I can I give others a lot of energy. But if I don't have anything myself, then I can't give anything either. "
Book tip on building self-confidence:
Tatjana Strobel: The high art of self-expression - what we can learn from assholes
Goldmann Verlag, € 12.99, ISBN-13: 978-3442220526, Buy now here directly on Amazon. *
Tips 7: recognize backgrounds
Point 7: Realize that real assholes have many problems themselves that lead them to act the way they do. In many cases there are problems, illnesses or mental disorders behind the behavior. If you know that, you can react much more confidently.
The expert advises: "I have to make it clear to myself: Those who want to make me small are very small themselves. I can assume that assholes have experienced what they do to me first-hand. There is a saying: Emotions are old baggage. Most of the time it has nothing to do with the here and now, an anger that has nothing to do with me erupts against me.
So I can stand by and smile. If the other person notices that he is stuck with me, he will look for another victim. The fact is: if I change, so does my environment. "
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